6am, during a night shift:

Time for an update. I'm wayyy overdue for one. I hate that because then there is not a place to begin.

Finally finished my summer class. Yup, I'm done. The thing I like least about finishing a course is the final. They want to give you a final test over all this wonderful information. I've been cramming it into my brain and by this point in time I'm so over it. Finishing the test a quickly as possible with no care for consequences. On to the next thing. They should test your enthusiasm for the first 3 weeks and combine that with your final to count as your final score.

Starting at Washburn in the fall! Officially enrolled as an Icabod. This is my 4.0 year. It is not only accessible but actually possible this year for me to reach that 4.0 because I am taking two of the classes for the second time. That makes me sound stupid, I only need to retake one and my scores didn't transfer for my other class. And the third class is English. I always get A's on my english papers if I write them and revise them once. I just get too fucking lazy by the time that I finish the thing to go back over it. Goal #1: Write English papers the week they are assigned. What a fucking concept.

Brooklyn is 7months, going on walking/talking/flirting. She is this little ray of light in my life. She may scream and cry occasionally for attention but the second we lock eyes she settles. Everything is right with the world. Sad confession: I was THRILLED the first time she cried in someone's arm and stopped the second I took her. That level of adoration is completely and absolutely the most wonderful feeling.

Her schedule usually makes her wake up for a bottle around 5am. I'm on this kick where she is not allowed in bed with me anymore. At all. If she wakes up before 5, I put her back to sleep in the crib (even for thirty minutes sometimes). Then, I wake up with her at 5. This has gotten us many catnaps together on the couch. It is bliss.

I'll leave a not-on-facebook picture

"it's all worth it"

There are certain things everyone tells you (and gives you when you have a baby) most of the time the information is useless. No, I do not need anymore adorable socks/hats/mittens/blankets. Yes, I in fact know that I will never sleep again/ my life is completely changing/ feed them every 2-3 hours.

What I didn't hear was: loud noises (like the vacuum) calm her down/ babies tend to have projectile poop/ sex (sorry world) will never feel the same again. I understand how it will "all be worth it" once she grows up but people need to be more honest with their advice. How was I supposed to figure out these things alone? We have a noise machine that is now up really loud in her room so she always has some white noise. It is genius! She sleeps longer and isn't startled awake due to the TV or anything.

When B was born, I had about 17 packages of diapers. I thought "wow this is fantastic!". Little did I know, babies can grow super fast. I have an overflow of the wrong size of diapers. I plan to squeeze my little fat baby into size on diapers until her poop won't stay in anymore (oh wait!) because I still have six more packs!

Lastly, I cannot decide if I should save all of her baby stuff or pack it up and give it to someone else. I know plenty of people who need it but hey, I may want another kid in a couple years. I have so much stuff that it could help someone a lot but at the same time, I don't want to buy it all again.

Sorry this post was sort of random, my thoughts are really jumbled today and I can hardly think straight.

Brooklyn!!

My baby (6 week old ah!) is amazing. She is so much fun to be around. She (real) smiled at me last night for the first time! I finally feel like a mother. It sunk in and I am happy.

But I must admit, being back at work and school has made such a difference to being a mom. It allows me time to think about her and miss her as well as give me some adult conversations that don't revolve around my daughter.

Overall, things are going well.