hardest decision

No body really even knows about this blog anyway... so I'm gonna just lay my heart on the line. Hope you're ready.
(5/5): I came home and found Julia asleep. She woke up and I asked her to come with me to buy a pregnancy test. She replied: "You are not pregnant, you are only a week late, just be patient. But if you need the comfort of a negative reading, I'll come with you." That hardly required a response. I didn't really feel pregnant because I never really believed my symptoms were anything more than being sick. I just need the negative reading so I could comfortably wait for my period. We bought the test. I peed and the faintest second pink line appeared. I cried. Julia tried to comfort me saying, its just there in case, take the other test (yes v no) and it too came up positive. I couldn't hold it together anymore. I texted Josiah (my boyfriend) and drove to see him. He was calm on the outside but assured me that he was freaking out but we'd get through it together.
(5/6): I told my closest friends. Julia knew because she was there and my roommate, Michelle and Sydney hardly believed me but supported me nonetheless, and Nathaniel. He was an odd choice to confide in but I suck at lying and he honestly guessed it. It took me a little time to work up he courage to tell my best friend Katie due to her recent issues with the same thing. I knew she would want me to keep the thing. Sydney and I went to planned parenthood (I worry that if I go straight to the dr I would feel guilty not having a baby in nine months) all they did was confirm the pregnancy and hand me pamphlets. I then made the decision to tell my cousin Allie. She is the closest family to me and she knew just what to say.

The Decision: Everyone keeps asking me what I am going to do. I am a strong pro-choice advocate but now I'm not sure if the regret will kill me. I won't be able to go a day without thinking about my child were I to not keep it. This is the hardest decision of my life. I am giving myself the week to officially decide. But I can honestly say that I already love my baby. That is making the decision harder.