Wanda Shaw

I've seen many people die. I've seen people before they've died and also right after.
That doesn't make this any easier.

Her name is Wanda. She hates her name. Wanda was a lady I've worked with. She is not the first resident that I've worked with that has gone through the stages of death, nor will she be the last. But Wanda was special. VERY special. She would tell me to find a nice boy and bring him in so she could meet/approve of him. She'd hold my hand and we'd argue about who was more stubborn.

I knew she was dying by I just saw her obituary. I'm so sad right now.

you don't

love.


the ache.
the mere five minutes inbetween thoughts of you.
the sincere desire.
the fear.
the tears.
the smile.


you don't feel that anymore; I do. how is that fair?

not quite week numero uno

Move-in went relatively well I suppose. I didn't sleep at all the first night due to the single fact of I was completely alone. I've always known the tiny fact about myself that I simply hate being alone. I think I'm okay like watching T.V. alone and such, but things like being alone in a house or eating alone at a restaurant just don't sit well with me.

Rush also went relatively well. Until I quit. It just wasn't for me, and that is perfectly alright.

I need to get out and make some friends. I've made some friends through rushing and some others on my floor but not really that many.

Oh well! Classes start in two days... I've got time to adjust to everything!

Life

I wish that someone had just handed me an outline of my life. They could say "keep on course and you'll be a very happy person"

Sure, circumstances change and "accidents" happen. Your outline could but cut short abruptly or have small deviations...

Scratch all of that.

I just want something to show me that I made the right decision.

Would that really be too much to ask for?

Arizonaaaa

So as of 7/21/09... my current location has been at or around Bullhead City, AZ. Two of my most favorite people are the reason for my extended stay here. It has been fabulous. Like my daily plans have been: sleep as late as possible (which most days is only like nine or ten for me) then get up, lounge by either the pool in the back yard or the River. We eat and just relax. Nights consist of talking, reading, or watching movies while eating cookie dough. It is so much fun. I haven't laughed this much practically all summer. I wish I could give like specific examples about what has been so humorous; however, I can't remember half of them.

After I head home, I will have less than two weeks to get everything ready. I need to plan outfits and get ready for Rush and pack to move into the dorms. I can honestly say though, that I am more nervous for Rush than I am for the dorms. I am not the typical girl who would ever enjoy being put on display and "chosen" after only short conversations. How can someone make that type of life commitment after only short conversations. Ask then, why am I doing it? Because I want the experience. I want to be able to say, "Yeah I went through fall recruitment and decided it wasn't for me" I don't want to be too afraid and not do it for that reason. Plus, I could found a house and be perfectly happy with that decision. Anything is possible right?

in a week...

In a week... so much can change. I am like finally settled and happy.

"you always say that at the beginning of a new relationship"-Tatie

He asked me out. I made a slight joke about the whole situation... he was being very serious. I said yes.

We haven't really discussed much. No specific details have been hashed out. What I do know... 

-He fully trusts me (I even have a few examples of that from only a weeks time)

-He always answers my questions and tells me things he knows I'd want to know

-He won't try and talk me into anything

-He stands up for me

-I am comfortable around him

-He SUCKS at texting me back (slightly drives me crazy)

-We are a pretty good balance... nothing serious yet though.

It is really odd. This is someone I've known/had a crush on off and on for like three years. We met in high school yet we started dating AFTER graduation... it doesn't make sense to me either.

I leave on Tuesday, July 21. We will be arriving back home around August 2.

He leaves August 1. 

Oh well, I'm not too worried.

To every ex: :)

'Cause I'll be there, in the back of your mind
From the day we met 'til you were making me cry
And it's just too bad, you've already had the best days
The best days of your life

Ain't it a shame?
A shame that everytime you hear my name
Brought up in a casual conversation
You can't think ...straight

And ain't it sad?
You can forget about what we had
Take a look at her and do you like what you see?
Or do you wish it was me

CHORUS:
'Cus I'll be there, in the back of your mind
From the day we met to the very last night
And it's just too bad, you've already had the best days
The best days of you life

And does she know?
Know about the times you used to hold me
Wrapped me in your arms and how you told me
I'm the... the only one

I heard about
Yeah, someone told me once, when you were out
She went a little crazy ran her mouth about me
Ain't jealousy funny?

CHORUS
'Cus I'll be there, in the back of your mind
From the day we met to the very last night
And it's just too bad, you've already had the best days
The best days of you life

...with me was a fairytale love
I was head-over-heals 'til you threw away "us"
And it's just too bad you've, already had the best days
The best days of your life

I heard you're gonna get married
Have a nice little family
Live out my dreams with someone new

But, I've been told that a cheater
Is always a cheater
I've got my pride, and she's got you...

CHORUS
'Cus I'll be there, in the back of your mind
From the day we met 'til you were making me cry
And it's just too bad, you've already had the best days
The best days of your life...

Of your life
Oh, oh, yeah
You're gonna think of me
You're gonna think of me in your liiiiiiiiiiiife
Oh, oh, yeah
It's a shame, it's a shame...It's a shame

blur

The past few weeks have gone by in a blur. There was nothing noteworthy, yet still exciting in their own right. 

• I came in and got out of yet another relationship with N (a mix of the stupidest and smartest decision of my summer) So I can happily say, I am fully over that entire situation.
• Worked
• Went to a few fun parties :)
• Started actually talking to J!!  :::::

J: I would totally date you. Youre fucking awesome. 

and  

J: Indeed. No i actually enjoy spending time with you and all my friends like you. And i dont see you as the clingy type*

THIRTY NINE DAYS UNTIL MOVE IN/RUSH!

FIFTEEN DAYS UNTIL I LEAVE FOR A VACATION IN ARIZONA!

*NOTE: I did warn J about my high maintenance-ness!!!

Boys/Arabella

I'm dog sitting my best friend's dog. She's an adorable like two pound puppy that has yet to be potty trained. Because of her I'm laying on my floor so I can pet/keep an eye on her. 
 

She enjoys sitting in my laundry basket and eating my underwear. I've caught her here more than once already and she got her this morning!!!

So boys. Er well boy. I used to date this boy. He and I got along really well for quite awhile and then distance tore us apart. I have been single for about two months now. During those two months I have been having fun flirting/seeing other guys but have yet to be serious with anyone else. There is one that I was actually starting to like but... I'm not expecting anything to come from it. Now the boy I used to date, well, last night he mentioned that he wanted to get back together with me. That he missed me and still cared about me. I am going to college in a month and have zero idea if i want to get back together with him. Yes, I miss him. Yes, I care about him still... but I'm so nervous about getting attached and thus getting hurt again. PLUS college is starting and idk if I want this right now. UGH so much to decide!!!

classes/life in general

Philosophy 148- MWF: 8-850

Sociology 160- MW: 9-9:50 (lecture)

Sociology 160- W: 10-1050 (discussion)

Biology 100- MWF: 12-1250 (lecture)

Biology 102- F: 10-1150 (lab)

English 101- TTH: 9:30-1045

Math 101- MWF: 3-350

16 hours

I think I'm going to just work (as I am planning now) every other weekend or something because this load is a little too full and I'll just volunteer weekdays.

New(not really) budding romance? Hmmmm.. what will come of it all?

 

ready to roll

So I finished orientation today! It was full of very boring and mostly pointless information. But, I did in fact find some things very helpful.

They explained move in stuff and classes and clubs very well!

PLUS: I met some new friends!! Only one girl is living in my dorm that I met today. But (and yes this is a big but) she lives like next door or across the all from me!!! It was very exciting and surprising. But all of the friends that I met were mainly pre-nursing with me which will be very helpful so we can study together and motivate each other to study. So for those contacts alone i am very pleased with orientation. And getting my schedule was also a very nice bonus!

Mon-Wed-Fri: I start class at 8 and don't get out until 3:40

Tue-Thur: I only have one classs from 9:30-10:45 which is gonna be fantastic!!

yay for finally being ready for college :)

fajhflajds!!!!

Dear Self,

JUST GET OVER IT ALREADY!!!

Love, 

Self

Success!

I've been working on getting everything ready for the fall/starting school. Yes, I fully understand that it is months away and summer just started; however, I tend to wait until the last minute to get crap done and that needs to end. I have my housing ready, rushing stuff ready, and I pick out classes on Friday and I'll have my schedule then. I just need to slowly start packing my room and getting stuff for my dorm room. I need to talk with Becca (later) about when I want to work during school. See, now when I leave in July, I will not have a mess to come back to!

Yay for being on top of everything for the first time in my life!!!!!

Two months to go

Blog post numero uno

So I'm not the blogging type. But I stopped writing in my journal recently (need to start that again) and I need away to get stuff off my chest. So here is my life synopsis

• I'm starting at KU in the fall. Freshmen and living in the dorms. I am scared out of my mind but thrilled to pieces at the same time. I am only afraid due to the bathroom situation in the dorms and the whole harder school/education crap. Thrilled due to well.. the obvious- moving out, independence, college-life kind of stuff.
  
• I am a daughter, sister, aunt, bestfriend, and CNA. (yes not girlfriend, but we'll get to that later)
  
• My job is becoming so time consuming. I want to become a nurse when I graduate from college so I'm working in a retirement home as a CNA now... that is my daily comic relief....
  
• My relationship status is (usually) happily single. I just came out of a decently long (nine month) relationship... I'm enjoying the freedom to flirt/not care but I still miss him. That part kind of sucks.

I should be asleep, seeing as it is 12:39am and I will be woken up around 7am.... oh well- except I left my books in my car so I need to find something else to occupy my time, hence the blog post.